Grocery Store Hijinx

Check the bottom of this post for a cutie free printable!

The rush of wind blowing through your hair as you make your way to the finish line, with no one else in sight, prepping your shake n bake...

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Oh. That's right. We're at our local grocery store, HEB [there's nothing like claiming a grocery store as your own]. No wind [aside from the burst of wind that blows as you enter- why?], no fast cars [aside from the crazies who don't stop at the crosswalk, dang them], and no Shake N' Bake [does this stuff still exist?!] BUT same difference, especially if you're making a car sound as you drive down the aisles.

Are you confused? I'm confused.

So you don't get lost, this post is about the grocery store and how to make an adventure out of it... or just how to maintain a happy baby while there. Or maybe you're just reading this to laugh at me. Either way, carryon...

Right. So, grocery storing can be the best of times, or the worst of times with a babe. Babes can be finicky like that, so why not be prepared to act a fool in order to maintain their happy, sweet dispositions so you can add the extra 20 tallies of "oh she's so cute" to the list?! Plus, acting like a kid in front of grown ups can fill you with joy too. Oh wait, I am a grown up. #DENIAL

At the grocery, our 'style' has slowly progressed from being all snuggly and froggy like in the Ergobaby, to facing out and observing all of the things while listening to mommy explain every fruit we've encountered and letting her touch them, to now, my favorite favorite [purposeful doubling of the fave], which is her sitting in the cart, driving through the grocery store, literally revving the engine or the throttle or whatever it is that makes the drivey sound, and irking really fast at turns, almost taking out Aunt Bertha with her bottle of wine. [If you need to do a lesson on a run-on sentence paragraph, you have my blessing.]

For us, the grocery is all about the experience. It's a chance to look like a kookoo bird talking to herself, when in reality I am having a very serious convo about avocaRdos with the tiny human in front of me.

BUT, what you can never, ever, under any circumstances, do, is bring a sleepy, hangry baby to the grocery store. If you don't time it right, you'll be in for a world o' hurtin mahs, and you'll have to pick up your ninja prowess and open some type of baby food pouch [or pull out that magic tata] in the store to hold your little human over, therefore feeling like a robber even though you have every intention of purchasing said magic at the end of your adventure. Just don't do it. Be the opposite of Nike.

Driving

As far as accuracy, I'm pretty sure I have tunnel vision in the grocer. It's about getting the list into the cart at the same time as me keeping the little one entertained. Time and time again I've denied the hubs the chance to partake in HEB-ing because we'll be there for an extra hoooooouuuuur, slowpoke. There again, if hubs is home, he usually gets daddy dooty and hangs out with the bug while momma shops, perks of being a fire wifey!

Here is our typical grocery adventure in a nutshell.

  1. Nab cart

  2. Wipe germs off [I'm usually pretty chill about germs, they build immunity, but this one's too easy not to do it]

  3. Place wriggly baby in seat, buckle fast

  4. Immediately take off like a Formula 1 racecar, vroooooom

  5. Find first item of produce, apples, 'ohhhhhh look at these apples! They are in season, aren't they pretty and cheeeeap?!' [seriously, just talking to E like a normal person keeps her entertained, try it next time]

  6. Continue making our way through the store, driving the car of course, finding random baby safe groceries and letting E play and/or observe them, and pulling a uey [just looked this spelling up, tis real] real fast just for dramatic effect.

  7. Play a back and forth game of 'no these are mommy's coupons', which she will always win and I'll feel the sting of defeat at the checkout counter when I have to awkwardly hand over a half eaten piece of paper, shawwy

  8. Always make a comment in the freezer aisle of how cold it is, 'brrrrrr, it's so told in here'

  9. Always make a comment about the yummy smells in the air freshener section

  10. Checkout and answer the cashiers Q's of how old E is and agree with them that she's very observant as she's staring into everyone's soul

  11. My favorite. The dramatic exit. Look both ways, then coast on the cart, all while saying weeeeee [at your own risk]

Our sweet HEB also has little HEBuddy Bucks , which kiddos receive at checkout [brilliant] and can collect and turn in for a reward- there's a little machine that they put them into and it's all rewardy sounding and adorable, well done HEB, well done. This will be more useful in a few months I think

But seriously. When I just make a little effort to include E in what I am doing, the simplest task of an HEB visit can be turned into an adventure, with loads of lessons. Non of which includes not riding on the cart in the parking lot. Double triple quadruple negatives for the win.

Everyone has their own sneaky sneaks way of handling the grocery store, and prepping the chillins for it juuuuuuust to make sure all things will go perfectly [as if there is such a thing]! Check out a few fab mommas and their lifesaving headache savers at the grocer, or even... not at the grocer, gassssp!

The sweet momma Justine, over at lovereveryaspect.com, uses the magic of her littles' favorite stuffed animal as well as a well napped little person! Who wouldn't want to hang out with their special little animal friend while zipping around in a shopping cart! She also makes sure to stick to the list- no outliers please- and compares herself to a contestant from Supermarket Sweep, amen sister!

Caitlin, fab friend and creator of two of the cutest littles I ever did see [you too Jimmy], enjoys the perks of being a Publix local [insert so many crying waterfall emojis here, I miss you Pubs]. She'll beeline to the free cookies and use each and every other item [sticker, balloon, etc.], as a carrot to the finish line, you go momma bear! And you go Pubs!

Lyndsie, a dear childhood friend and the fab watercolor artist over at 5and2studio [check her out, her stuff is amazing], swears by simply sticking to her list with... woah, I just looked this up and I'm boggled... INSTACART, WHICH IS GROCERY DELIVERY. This may be a game changer folks. Hold tight.

Woah, I just got lost for a sec. From what I can tell, there is a small fee for the delivery, but your first week or so is covered. Look into this y'all, it sounds fab.. that way you can explore the foods in the comfort of your own home with your little bugs. Lyndsie, you the real MVP!

Oh and sneaky sneak sneak, you can get stuff from Costco on InstaCart... game over. Bye now, I'll just be getting lost in the grocery store from the comfort of my own home.

This is how the Matrix started isn't it? They lured moms in via the glory of home delivery from the grocery store. Dagnabbit.

I done did get Matrixed

REWWWWINDDDDDD... And last, but certainly not least, another wonderful friend who is momma to the cutest little booty shaker in all the lands, Kara! Her secret to a successful grocery shop is... SNACKSSSSSS and the freebie circular at the front of the store, which holds her little's attention for a bit. Hallerlujah!

Anywhos, no matter how you go about feeding your family, I think all of us mommas [and daddas] deserve a pat on the back for gettin it durrrrn.

HEB

Tis not out of the norm to have a plate of 1 billion other things going on.

Oh, and if you can manage to keep the house spotless throughout the entirety of the day too, you win. That battle has been lost over hither, but that's for another time, and definitely not a fun thing to talk about. Where's the adventuring in cleaning?! Although....

Oh, and here's a happy grocery printable to help y'all be a ninja grocery shopper! Enjoy:)